Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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