oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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