Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
