a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize