He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
