i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
