Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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