She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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