so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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