I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
