wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
