hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
