I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
