I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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