No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize