With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
