I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
