Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
should my penis look like a turkey
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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