I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
