I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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