I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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