He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
