Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
