mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
