we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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