my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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