I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
