why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
