i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
