tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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