Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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