when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
