help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
