yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
