Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
