Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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