just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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