and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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