she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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