someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
