Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
