And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
