glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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