Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
