I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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