i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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