summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
