y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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