I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
