I wish I could punch you in the face.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
