just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
