Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
