I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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