How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
