walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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