He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
