Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
