I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
