what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize