At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
