I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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