So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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